Modern families are not always complete.
It also happens that the family consists of a mother and a child.
Why does this happen and how to tell the child about the father if he left the family?
For a variety of reasons, single mothersBecomes more. For example, women decide to have a child, and they do not care that there is no man in their life. In the end, the manufacturer can be found much easier than the husband for himself and father for the child. In addition, do not forget about the banks of sperm, and only feed, dress, grow and raise a child for a woman to do, especially when the pickup always has a grandmother and grandfather who dream of their grandchildren.
What about mothers, whose children "did not have a dad"? What to say to children, how to behave? Situations are very different: a woman became pregnant for herself, the guy left, after learning about pregnancy, the husband found another ...
If everything happened civilized, everything is prettyjust. Parents divorced, the child, most likely, remains with his mother, and the pope visits his now-former family, congratulates the child on his birthday or a new year and takes part in his life. The kid in this case grows with the understanding that he really has a dad who lives separately.
But what can the child say if the pope never meets a child, or does the child know nothing about the existence of the pope?
Such a method was popular in the times of the SovietUnion. A woman will invent a myth about a great and beautiful person (the father of a child) who was insanely happy about the birth of his son / daughter, but who died tragically. Most likely, he died as a hero. To confirm such a legend, you can show the child photos, letters, compose stories about how you met, fell in love and so on. It is even possible to tell the child based on real events, but slightly embellished stories. Psychologists, by the way, advise single mothers to do exactly so that the child in his head formed a "bright image of his father." In this case, the child will understand that he was desired by both parents, and will not feel unnecessary.
But there is also a negative moment for this method,Which teaches that even a lie for salvation remains a lie. Are you able to feel good about the child by starting a relationship with him from a lie? In addition, no one gives a guarantee that there will never be a well-wisher who wants to tell the child the truth. Or, what is even more interesting, the father himself may appear, which will lead to simply incredible consequences from childhood joy to mistrust towards you.
Get away from the answer
"Mom, why does Peti and Vasya have a father, and I haveno? Where is my dad? "-" What kind of father? You have a mother, are not you enough? No? Well, that's all, there is no daddy and we do not need it. " Some mothers jealously guard their right to be the only parent. It is possible that they are completing because they can not give the child all that a full-fledged family could give and are protected by going off on an attack.
In part, they really think that mom isThe only thing necessary for the child, and always take offense when it comes to some kind of "unnecessary" element in the form of the pope. Often, girls who grew up in such a family with such a mother, themselves become single moms. This, of course, is simply great when a child has a loving, beautiful and strong mother capable of replacing both parents, but eventually the child realizes that there must be another person who participated in his birth, and who is not now.
Papa the scoundrel
"Your dad is a fool and a scoundrel, you do notYou need him, because he left you. One should not even be a psychologist to understand that such an option is far from the most correct one. No matter how wild a grievance does not torment a woman, it is unacceptable to load it onto fragile children's shoulders, even if the father is in fact a real beast. It is necessary to understand that the child already at a very young age understands that it has something from both mother and father, especially if they tell him that he looks like a dad.
It is very difficult to describe in simple words a child'sThe pain that some part of it comes from an ugly and vile creature, as in this case his father describes his mother. As a result, it becomes terrible to hate your own face and even the manner to go just for the fact that it reminds your beloved mother of hatred of a man. As much as you hate your husband, do not show it to the child - save it from it.
Tell the truth
Perhaps this is the most correct and acceptableOption - to tell the child the truth. Of course, at the same level, which he will understand and with words that I will not shock him. But it's better not to rush things. If the child does not ask, it's better not to start the conversation yourself. If you ask, you can say that you do not know if you really do not know, or say that he lives very far. For a while the child will arrange such a simple answer.
Tell us that there are families in which there isFather, mother and child. There are families in which there are also grandmothers, grandfathers, and other children. And there is you - mother and child. Try to idealize the image of the father, and not to mix it with dirt.